A Toast to the “Red Headed Slut”

Day 1: The day before

The much awaited bachelorette party for Jessica Rabbit began Friday afternoon when a group of sexy ladies drove up to Tahoe for the weekend. It wouldn’t be a party without a little mishap on the first night, right? A) I decided to wear a cute little designer skirt with beads to dinner that somehow got stuck in the little holes of the patio furniture. It just took a little wiggling to get out, no big deal. B) Jenna pulled an illegal u-turn in the middle of the road right in front of a Mercedes. No worries, nothing happened to the rented car. 3) Just as we settled into bed for the evening Heather claimed that something was crawling all over her as she scratched her body in a panic. We found nothing and determined she was either crazy or on crack. Both likely. (Kidding Heather)

Day 2: The day of

On the way to the lake the next morning I managed to stub my toe on a raised portion of the path. I have a sweet blood blister to prove it. We set up camp, and to our surprise a bachelor party of 13 men was stationed right next to us. They had rented a boat, which we quickly took over free of cost. It turned out that since we had 9 girls, there was no room for the men. We took a driver, a flag holder, and left the remainder of the bachelor party behind. Thanks for the boat boys! Idiots.

After a long day it was time for a pedicure, gifts, dinner, and VEX. Pedicures were awesome, the gifts were sexy, the dinner was amazing, and VEX was................. a blur.

Day 3: The morning after...........

I recall drinking a little Champaign during gifts, a little wine during dinner, and toasting a “Red Headed Slut” with the ladies. I quickly went from sober to sick. I hate that! You totally miss that fun buzz. The night lasted, well forever. We managed to get into bed around 5am Sunday morning. I shot out of my sleeping at 5:45am with an upset stomach. I quickly ran down the narrow stairs of the cabin. My feet are kind of big so I had to run with my toes pointed out to avoid falling. To my surprise there were already two sick women occupying the bathrooms (Brynne and Jenny). The trashcan was the next best thing. My pasta dinner didn’t smell so good coming up. I decided to nap a little by the can, just incase I started feeling a little woozy again.

Hours later Brynne and I set off on a breakfast adventure, and managed to find a hole in the wall coffee shop. The smell of pastries and coffee were not settling well. The woman working the counter noticed our, lets say tore back look, and jumped to conclusions recommending a burger from Ernie’s as a hangover remedy. We smiled, trying not to appear as if we were up all night. We just acted like it was perfectly normal to crave burgers for breakfast, and drove away. Ernie’s was quite crowded. I suppose all of the VEX customers were there for their morning chow. We needed food NOW. We wanted that burger. MC Donald’s, here we come! We sat for what seemed to be forever in the drive through of Mc Donald’s, drove up to order, and were told that lunch was not served until 10:30am. It was 10:06am. “What the FU@K!???????,” Brynne yelled in the window. We pulled out of the drivethrough sideways, but safely. We needed that burger and decided to wait around inside staring the burger makers down until clock struck 10:30am. Finally! Best burger and fries ever.

The ice cream shop opened at 11am, so we decided, why not? Walking up the steps to the old ice cream parlor, guess who stubs the opposite toe and stumbles? Yep, me. AAAAAAA. Regardless, hair up and braless, we walk in. No other then the woman we had seen hours before at the coffee shop was standing there. “You ladies feeling better, she asked? I replied, “It’s been a rough morning.” I got my Kona coffee ice cream in a cup and took off. I was glad Jenna was in charge of the drive home. Down highway 50, through the house door, and straight to bed.

Why is it that a week later we say, “That was a good time.” Hmmm. That’s not what I was thinking at 5:45 am Sunday morning. Happy Bachelorette Brynne. I love you.

A word to the readers......... I just wanted to say that I am not an advocate of drinking or stealing boats. I actually do not partake either one on a regular basis. You probably noticed it only took me 3 drinks to barf. It's just that, well, who can turn down a redhead????? hmmmmm Not Ken, not me.

Jessica Rabbit and Crazy Cruella

These days my worldly contributions are quite minimal, I know, but today I had a little bridesmaid duty to tend to. Today’s assignment was to accompany Brynne to Salon Bravissimo to have a hair trial. This needs not to be confused by a hair consultation, which was last week. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the wedding world (KEITH): A consultation is a simple 15-minute visit with the stylist to meet, greet, and discuss prices. A trial is when the stylist and the bride throw ideas around and construct a pre wedding hair masterpiece.

Now to the point of today’s story. Behind Brynne sat a crazy woman, whom I choose to call Crazy Cruella. I do not call her Cruella because her actions mirror those of “Cruella Deville,” though she bares a physical resemblance. The woman was indeed crazy, hence the crazy portion of her nickname. Why was she crazy? I’ll explain. Crazy Cruella’s hair stylist went into the back to mix hair dye, asked Cruella to grab a drape, and told her she would be back momentarily. Cruella decides that she needs to use the restroom, which we didn’t know at the time. She repeatedly stepped on my feet while she checked the bathroom like a Volcher. Cruella begins to ask Holly the hairdresser (Brynne's hairdresser) for a drape and complains that someone has been in the restroom forever. Apparently Cruella didn’t know she needed to turn the knob, no one was in there. I guess her bathroom door at home opens for her. Holly leaves Brynne for a moment to get Cruella her drape. Cruella begins to sniff sniff sniff the drape up and down. We couldn’t help, but to stare. What was she doing? No, Holly did not give you a dirty drape. Put the thing on, sit down, and shut-up! Cruella then proceeded to ask the poor intern sweeping the floor what type of hair products her stylist was going to use on her because she has sensitive skin and blah blah blah. The poor intern replied, “I can ask her.” Who does that? Why not ask these questions before you make the appointment? Cruellas hair stylist finally returns and is greeted by, “How long is this going to take? My husband has a doctors appointment at 11am.” OMG Lady, it’s 10:15am right now, and you have a full head of grey to color. My only conclusion............ I don’t even know.

As for Brynne, she looked amazing! Allow me to introduce you to Jessica Rabbit. Bridesmaid daily duty, completed. This weekend, the Bachelorette Party!

Inside the Innie Canyon

This is the first post in which I will discuss a body part: the belly button. As a child we are quick to learn that some people have an “innie” and others have an “outie.” I myself have a canyon! The thing is so deep, I can’t see the end. This becomes problematic for hygienic purposes. I do my best to keep the canyon clean, but there is not much you can do when the end is nowhere in sight. This afternoon I came home from a tough bike ride in the heat, and gave my belly button a little scratch. I noticed a waxy textured substance in my belly button, like what you may find in your ear. I tried to clean it out, but it’s nearly impossible to hold my belly button open while sticking a q-tip in it. This called for immediate action and attention. I called for help, KEITH! In discussed he refused to help me, but knew it was a necessity. I held my belly button open while Keith dug at it with hydrogen peroxide, 8 q-tips, and a headlamp. He finished the job by spraying Dust-off (the original compressed gas duster) in my belly button hole. All Clean! WHEW. Who knew it was this tough to properly clean your belly button?

The Missing Shirt and the Mystery Backpack

This was my second time facing the mountain passes of Monitor, Ebbetts, and Carson in the Tour of the Alps.....aka The Death Ride.

I finished in 2008, and there was a terrible thunderstorm on Carson. This year I decided that I was going to carry rain gear with me all day. I was the girl wearing the REI staff backpack stuffed with arm warmers, leg warmers, and rain gear. I couldn't even count how many people asked, what is in the backpack? Dude, why do people care??? I started making up stories: A) Its my diabetic supplies B) Its rain gear because I have Raynaud's disease C) I have sandbags in it to make the ride more difficult. I don't know. I just had a little fun with it.

On the top of Ebbetts, my third pass, I decided to grab a few (5-10) Oreo cookies, and use the restroom in a porter-potty (PP). I decided that setting my shirt outside of the PP was a better option then attempting to hold my shirt in my mouth while simultaneously pulling down my bib shorts, or placing my shirt in the (PP) pee puddle. I must admit, I spent a little bit of time in the PP. My stomach was pretty tore up from all of the processed food and riding. When I walked out of the PP I noticed my shirt was missing. Two thoughts were running through my head: A) My pass finisher stickers!! B) Am I going to have to ride the remainder of the death ride in only my spandex bib shorts and REI staff backpack?? I began to panic and look for my shirt. It turns out that an older gentleman picked it up thinking that someone dropped it in the dirt. Doesn't he know people prefer dirt over a PP pee puddle? Whatever. To make a long story short I got my shirt back, with all 3 stickers on it. I ended up finishing the death ride for a second time:)

On a side note..... I love camping. I had a ton of fun. The boys tell me that Hot Tub Time Machine is a great movie:)

The First Post: The Belly Up Lizard

I have decided to start blogging. I am unable to join the twitter bandwagon because I have far more to say then twitter characters will allow. I am not even sure what the initial blog post should contain, but I figure I'll just talk about my day. You will get to know me through my writing I am sure.

Today was, well, normal. I really didn't do anything at all to contribute to society. I woke up around 3am thinking about a photo shoot I have on Wednesday. I don't know why, but I'm a tad nervous. I think it's because I have terrible cycling tan lines. I want these photos to look good for the Miss California USA program. I had a hard time falling back to sleep because my boyfriend tends to sleep dead center and my cat at the end of the bed. This leaves little room for me and they both breath terribly loud. Keith and I woke up late and did the regular household chores. He cleaned the bikes up and got them ready for the weekends races. I watered the plants and planed a BBQ for our PC race team DILLIGAF. Keith left for work and I decided to lay out and fix my tan lines. I grabbed my sign language book so that I could study up a bit. I got in the pool, floating on the little raft. To my surprise I saw a nasty belly up lizard in the pool. I almost died! I tried to paddle to the other end of the pool with one hand while holding my book in the other. I found my self turing in circles in a panic. I didn't want to get my book wet, but possible diseases that I may encounter from a belly up lizard were rushing through my mind. Needless to say I somehow made it out of the pool. I almost just left the lizard, but I managed to scoop it out with the pool cleaning thing. I tossed him over the fence. I hope he doesn't start to smell. I couldn't possibly be by the pool any longer, so the next best thing was to add to my already horrible tan lines by getting on my bike. I went to go visit Keith at work. He was on his break looking at bicycle parts. The ride there was just grand. I saw a poor dead kitten and was stopped on the path due to a fire. I then thought about the damage the smoke was causing to my pre-race lungs. I think I may be some sort of paranoid science geek. I don't know. I made it home, now writing a blog.

I guess thats my day. It's kind of fun to just jot down my thoughts.

Thanks for reading

JenniferMarie