Life Through My Eyes: July 2014

I really need to write a Bridezilla series, and I may, but for today I am going to focus on “The Guest List.” The invitations are patiently awaiting the three month mark to hit the mailboxes, but with the save the dates already out the questions from guests are pouring in!

The guest list is the number one reason brides may go gray in the course of a 1-year engagement. If I’m not careful my hair may match the pewter heels my bridesmaids will be wearing down the aisle, and possibly the dance floor. If you recall a previous blog post, Kay didn’t last a block in heels during our Vegas trip last year, so we’ll see. I’ll be sure to keep you posted in the “post wedding blog.” Maybe I’ll get a poll started. Anyway, the reality is weddings are crazy expensive and you can’t invite everyone. The day after our engagement my mother was already hard at work talking prices with wedding venues. She quickly slashed her estimated 200-250 guest count down to 100-125. So now that we are elated 100 guests.... wait parents have a say too? Ok.... we are down to picking 20 friends Keith.

It’s really shocking how many people will come out of the woodworks for a carving station and an open bar, I mean a wedding. The phone rings of people you haven’t spoken to in YEARS and you are now being befriended on facebook by people you don’t recognize. All the while you are just trying to figure out how they got your number and if you should click “accept or deny” rather than try to reconnect. I figure, if you were too busy the past 7 years to get to know “us” please don’t expect to be busy celebrating with us on our wedding day. Sorry. Not even on the C list! The worst is when people straight up ask you to your face if they are invited to the wedding. Yes this happens. Like I said, you can’t invite everyone and therefore feelings will get hurt. Keith and I went with the philosophy of inviting “our friends” not mine, not his, but our friends that have made an impact on our lives as a couple in a positive way. There is no easy way to cut the list, but unless you have an endless money tree, it must happen. People understand that.

You will get asked right away (before you have had time to think about it) whether you are allowing children or plus ones. Do we want to allow children or “flavors of the week” aka the random cocktail waitress the groomsman met the night before to fill the spot of other friends? Ok, a cocktail waitress makes for a great story and children have the enact ability to get the party started on the dance floor. Besides, you realize you are like the last ones on the planet getting married, so majority of your friends don’t fall into the “no ring no bring” category. You want all of your guests to have a good time and you decide that by allowing the few that are not in a committed relationship to bring a guest doesn’t exactly tilt the budget of “I’m already completely broke from this wedding” scale. Ok, everyone should be happy, right?

So you finalized that guest list. You have now decided who’s invited and who will never speak to you again. This is straight up real; don’t think it’s not! I’m not going to talk about that though, those people aren’t talking to you so it doesn’t matter. Your hair is spared. It’s those few that made it on the list that continue to bitch and complain about every detail until you almost blow up and scream “DON’T FBOMBING COME!” That’s when the poor bride loses it and is coined a “Bridezilla.” Yes, we paid extra for a Saturday so you don’t need to take a day off work. No I am not going to reserve and pay for your hotel, but I have set aside a wedding room block for a very reasonable rate. Info is on the wedding website. No I am not going to pick you up from the airport, but you can take the blue shuttle van, which is cheaper than the taxi I researched. Info is on the wedding website. Not sure where things are? Info is on the website. Yes I have arranged a limo to pick you up at the wedding host hotel and take you to venue where you will be treated to a platinum dinner buffet and an open bar. Info is on the website. If the loud music gives you a headache the “oh shit kits” reside in the restrooms with complimentary earplugs and aspirin. I have also arranged for a mini coach to take you back to the hotel at 9pm right after the cake cutting. The info is on the website. Yes the cupcakes are gluten free. Do I really need to put that on the website?! What is the website you say? It’s on the FBOMING magnetic save the date I sent you 3 months ago!!! AHHHHHHH!

Soooo unfortunately you will be forced to invite those guests that make you feel like your entire wedding is a complete nuisance to them. The only thing they are worried about is what time the Sunday brunch ends so that they can book their return flight home. The saddest part is you have some awesome uninvited friends that you’d love and rather be spending your special day with. Ug:/

Can we all just agree that every bride should be allowed a little “Bridezilla” after dealing with all the “Guestzillas?”

AHHHHHHHH I feel better now!